I met this guy online around April of last year and we became good friends. He asked me to be his girlfriend in September. I ended up falling in love with him. I just knew he was the one. I never got the chance to meet him, but he would always send me flowers and gifts and such. We talked every day and every night. He was going to the same school tha I'm going to next year. He lived 30 minutes away from me. End of November, he was shot to death and murdered. (Continuing in another ask)
(Continued) I feel like I’ve lost everything. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I feel so empty and depressed all the time. I just want to end it and finally be with him. I never got to hold him, kiss him, or even see his face in person. The first time I got to see him was in his casket. I just want to die.
I am so sorry for your loss, that is so heart-breaking to read. Grief is a very dark, depressing feeling that must be dealt with on a personal level. However, this doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. If your school has a counselor, then you should go and see him or her and talk about the sadness you feel. If you would rather not do that, or if you can afford a therapist, then you can schedule an appointment to see someone who specializes in grief. Surround yourself with people who love you because it is very important to remember that you will be terribly missed if you leave. It feels like the end of the world when someone who you love dies, but you need to remember that they loved us to. People who love you would want you to be happy, so you need to start recovering from and healing the loss you experienced. It will take time, but you are strong and you can make it.